"No expectations, no disappointments"

One of the most useful sayings I remember is "No expectations, no disappointments". But its so much easier said than done. How do you not have expectations? In a relationship, you do expect things sometimes without even realizing and you don't know it till that situation surpasses and out of the blue you realize you are disappointed. But I also realize that if you don't speak up, don't communicate your thoughts (expectations) how is the other person suppose to live up to it? It is unrealistic to think they would know especially since for most of the time you yourself don't know whats happening.

I feel I am strange in so many ways, I have EXTREME emotions where I am suddenly crying sitting in a subway or in some other weird place and thinking what the hell am I doing but not able to stop! Atleast I am not sobbing loudly and manage to hide it away (or atleast that is what I like to believe). I identify with a coconut, projecting a hard exterior but the inside is soft, extremely sensitive and (in confident) even damaged.

The easiest solution is to open up to someone, anyone but when I think of how vulnerable I would be, I imagine myself never going through with it.

I see people around who have a pleasant personalty, smile, laugh and are able to connect with people easily. I envy people who are open, talk about their life, take risks. How liberating that must be! I remember being 5 and telling secrets all the time, being open as I remember it. And between then and now, somethings happened cause I am the extremely opposite of the little me.

It is a rant that after putting it down on paper, might make things a little easier. My heart might not sink every time the phone vibrates (Why would that even happen??).

I am NOT an author and I have come across beautiful authors who have a natural flow to their words. But its not always about the beauty I guess.